Compassion Waste

Written By Jonathan Krogh

Dear Energy Savers:

We’re at the precipice of the Advent Season, which most years begins on the Sunday following Thanksgiving. I say most years, because Advent begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas, which means anywhere between November 27 and December 3, whereas Thanksgiving is always the fourth Thursday, which means anytime from November 22 to November 28. In months with five Thursdays, Advent is the second Sunday after Thanksgiving. But the relationship between Thanksgiving and Advent is not where my mind is musing today.

My concern this Monday is emotional waste, which I think accounts for what is popularly called compassion fatigue. Now emotional things like compassion are not zero-sum commodities, but time and personal resources are, so while you can expand your capacity for compassion, you don’t suddenly have more days between now and Christmas Eve. So given that we have only so much time, I suggest we carefully guard our compassionate energy.

I have a few thoughts about compassion before I get to my central concern. I think we have been created with the need to be compassionate. An inability to empathize, or to feel sympathy or compassion, is a serious psychological problem and lies at the core of diagnosing many forms of sociopathology. God has wired us to care about and for one another, so stories, images or experiences that elicit our desire to better the condition of the unfortunate are both natural and good. I have no idea if there are dopamine receptors involved, but seeing pain, sorrow, embarrassment, suffering or the like nudges something deep within us to respond with help, kindness, presence, even love.

The problem emerges when our inclination toward compassion is exploited for manipulative reasons like click-bait or outright scams. Over time, these fake emotional cookies numb our appetite for compassionate energy when it could fuel our ability to make a real difference. I worry when people distress over a celebrity or other stranger facing a difficult diagnosis, when those near to them with similar serious conditions trigger little response. In the smorgasbord of emotional dining, I think it’s important to recognize empty compassion calories. We walk away from the feast of sentimentality feeling sated and satisfied with ourselves when practically, we have accomplished nothing.

Sometimes the problem is focus. When Jesus told the story of the Good Samaritan, his point was not the level of distress faced by the man beaten and robbed; his point was the action of the compassionate one who undertook real expense, energy, creativity and imagination to prove himself a neighbor. The story does not end telling the outcome for the unfortunate soul, but with the command to be functionally compassionate.

This helps me reframe prayer requests during the joys and concerns shared with the congregation prior to our time for prayer. (By the way, I try to edit out specific prayer concerns from the recorded version of our worship services—I do not believe this time is for general consumption.)  When someone offers an account regarding the suffering of their friend, relative or loved one, my ear is not for the persons facing catastrophe; it is for the one requesting prayer. How might we, as a community of faith, bolster their energy, their love, their resources as they strive to be present for someone near to them facing difficulty, illness or tragedy? Learning more about the people whom we do not know undergoing stress is wasted compassion; discovering how we might better care for the friend among us who is requesting prayer enables us to be practically present and concretely helpful.

Occasionally, a good cathartic cry or sentimental story is useful to give our compassion muscles a lubricating workout. But if the only time we’re able to summon up emotional energy is for people we’ll never meet or fictional characters in a story, I’m worried we may be wasting the valuable gift of compassion.

Looking for ways to conserve energy for when it’s helpful, I remain,

With Love, 
Jonathan Krogh
Your Pastor

P.S. This Advent for our Sunday morning Adult Education program, beginning December 7th I will be leading weekly conversations stimulated by Low: An Honest Advent Devotional by John Pavolitz, Chalice Press, ©2019. Free copies (thank you, Younts) will be available next Sunday following worship for the first 20 takers, or you may buy your own copy in paperback or Kindle here.  

Jonathan Krogh
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